Van der Pop

Fool Proof

ADVICEApril Pride
Dear Vandy Fool Proof

Dear Vandy,
What's the best and worst advice for precautions to fool others into thinking you're not high? 
Fool Proof

Dear Fool Proof,
I know you're no fool but you'd be foolish to think that an arsenal of tricks wouldn't serve you well on this day - April Fool's - or any other. To answer this question, Fool Proof, I'm simply sticking to the facts!

To Fool the Nose
- Wear a hat or a hoodie that you can remove. And if you have long hair, always pull it back. Period. 
- Wash your hands after a session. Better yet, use a weed grinder to avoid getting the bud smell on your fingers as much as possible. 
- Carry gum, mints or breath spray. 
- Do not burn incense. What are you? 17 years old?
- Just say no to hugs in case the smell has followed you. 
- Inventory Febreeze to spray on carpet, furniture and clothes. This can also be sprayed onto your hands and "scrunched" into your hair to absorb odor. 
- Orange Chronic and/or
Ozium as straight up air fresheners, i.e. to clear the air. 
- A fan and open window are obviously going to help exponentially. Here's the trick: Direct the fan to blow out the window thus pulling the air in the room out through the fan.  
- Sploof: made of toilet paper roll, rubber band, and dryer sheets. One of my favorite weed smoking accessories. More on Merry Jane or check out the video below. 

To Fool the Eyes 
- Eye drops. Like duh. Visine is the tried and true. Rohto is great to add moisture if you tend to get red and dry. Not to induce paranoia but a note on the Rohto is that is gets all the red out. As in the whites of your eyes will be glowing. 
- The real trick here is when you apply. The super pro move is to apply before you get high. Avoid red and dry all together and the possibility of forgetting.  Ladies, if at all possible use the eye drops prior to applying make-up - or use waterproof mascara. 
- Have an idea of how your eyes react to being stoned and counteract. Keep them open wide if the lids tend to become closed. 
- Look people in the eye. Avoiding eye contact is sketchy! But be careful...too much eye contact is also sketchy...

To Fool the Head       
- Keep CannaSafety handy to reduce anxiety and get you closer to sober more quickly. 
- In a pinch, some have found that consuming caffeine can have a sobering effect. The more the caffeine, the greater the effect. Great if you need to step into a party and are expected to immediately be "on." 
- Take a walk. Suck on a lemon. Not necessarily in this order and not necessarily at the same time. 
- RELAX! Everyone around you is also trying to keep it cool. If they don't cop to it in the moment, you will surely hear it to have been the case when you all recap the course of events following your session. The more you interact with people while high- the more practiced you become, the better you get. Like anything else.  

Not everything is as it seems when you're high. That's the bottom line. I'll leave you with Drake's recap of his high-low moment following.

High regards,

Van der Pop does not endorse or condone the illegal consumption of cannabis.

A First Time for Everything (featuring Drake)
"[My Degrassi audition] was like a real pivotal day in my life because it was the first audition I went on, so that's already a monumental thing. It was also the day that I got accepted by these like really cool Jewish kids at school, and they were finally like, 'Yo, come over,' I had this really tug of war moment where I actually did something that I probably shouldn't have done that starts with a 'W' and ends with 'eed.' That was my first time [smoking], and we did it out of a starts with a 'B' ends with a 'ong.' It was crazy because I started really getting paranoid, I thought I'd just completely ruined my life, I started splashing water on my face constantly, it was like a Clearasil commercial! I showed up to the audition and got just a little less paranoid, went in and did what I could, was just devastated, I couldn't tell my mom. But I ended up getting the callback and getting the role."   

We scoured the internet for funny weed stories from celebrities, but couldn't find a lot about female smokers. We want to hear from you! What is your funniest/craziest weed story? Tell Vandy here. 


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